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2009.04.30
Large collection of jokes added, including several pages of lightbulb jokes.
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Light Bulb Jokes
Computer Related Light Bulb Jokes
Q: How many IBM types does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, provided there’s an engineer around to explain how to do it.
A: 100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-0001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages state only “This page intentionally left blank”, and 20% of the definitions are of the form “A …... consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by blanks”. (Notes : This is one of the most impressively durable LBJs. It occurs, virtually letter-for-letter identical, in lists whose contents are otherwise wildly different.)
Q: How many IBM CPU’s does it take to turn on a light bulb?
A: 33 – 1 to process the instruction and 32 to process the interrupt.
Q: How many Apple and IBM nuts does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: An infinite number: nothing useful gets done while they’re arguing. Finally a disgusted generic computer user (who will use any type that is in front of him) gets up and changes the bulb, elbowing the participants aside. The size of the crowd arguing seems to be a function of time, although whether or not the function is exponential is not known.
Q: How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Seven. One to screw it in and six to design the tee-shirts.
Q: How many Apple programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but why bother ? Your light socket will just be obsolete in six months anyway.
Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They just declare darkness the new standard.
A: It burned out? You must be using a non-standard socket.
A: None. They just write it up as a new and useful feature.
A: One – but Bill Gates must inspect every single bulb and socket before the operation is started.
A: Eight: one to work the bulb and seven to make sure Microsoft gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.
Q: How many Microsoft Visual C++ programmers does it take ….
A: 400. 1 to change the bulb, 50 to write a magazine about it, 50 to write a help file about it, 50 to code a little gadget so when you hit the bulb it will announce all the names of the team involved, 50 to go down to the drinks machine and get everyone their can of coke, 50 to show off about how installing a light bulb for Bill has made them paper millionaires, 1 to answer the phone at the help desk (“Putting you through to our light bulb expert sir… click”), 148 to pad out the pictures in the “Light Bulb – how we did it” magazine.
Q: How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: You’re still thinking procedurally. A properly designed light bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class, so all you’d have to do is send a light bulb change message.
A: At least a dozen, but it’s impossible to tell which one it is, because they’re all pointing at each other going “That’s me, over there !”
Q: How many Bill Gates’ (Founder of Microsoft) does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. He simply declares darkness to be the new standard.
Q: How many operating systems are required to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one-Microsoft is making a special version of Windows for it.
Q: How many Windows programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 472. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, one to write WinQueryStatusLightBulb, one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle…
Q: How many Windows users does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but she/he’ll swear up and down that it was JUST as easy for him as it would be for a Macintosh user.
Q: How many people does it take to change an object-oriented light bulb?
A: Change it? Aw shucks, I was going to reuse it.
Q: How many Object Oriented programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None, they send it a message, and it changes itself.
Q: How many developers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The light bulb works fine on the system in my office . . .
Q: How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, that’s a hardware problem.