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Light Bulb Jokes

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Religion and Philosophy Light Bulb Jokes

Q: How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

  • Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.
  • Pentecostal: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against spirit of darkness.
  • Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
  • Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.
  • Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.
  • Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
  • Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
  • Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
  • Lutherans: None. Lutherans don’t believe in change.
  • Amish: What’s a light bulb?

Q. How many Anglican ministers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A. Change? In an Anglican church? I think not!

Q: How many Orthodox Rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Change?

Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a cosmos of nothingness.

Q: How many witches does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: It depends on what you want them to change it into.

Animal Light Bulb Jokes

Q. How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?

A1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

A2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code.

A3. Dachshund: You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp!

A4. Rottweiler: Make me.

A5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

A6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

A7. German Shepherd: I’ll change it as soon as I lead these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven’t missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

A8. Jack Russell Terrier: I’ll just pop it in while I’m bouncing off the walls and furniture.

A9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I’m sorry, but I don’t see a light bulb?

A10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

A11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

A12. Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there …

A13. Greyhound: It isn’t moving. Who cares?

A14. New Zealand Sheep Dog: First, I’ll put all the light bulbs in a little cluster…

A15. Toy Poodle: I’ll just blow in the Border Collie’s ear and he’ll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

The Cat’s Answer: “Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?”


Q: How many amoebas does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: One. No, 2. No, 4. No, 8. No, 16. No, 32…....